I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Your dad touched me again.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
