I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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