He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
