youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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