Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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