If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
