Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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