She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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