OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
