Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i drank out of a bidet.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize