Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
