***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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