I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
did you just send me my own nude
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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