Porn is love you can see.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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