How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
