TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
