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oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
