Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The adults are the big ones right?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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