mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
