I wish I could teleport
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
