If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
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I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
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Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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