What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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