coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
