Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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