i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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