My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
