i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
