i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
love makes seman taste better
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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