So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
