Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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