loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
