They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
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I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
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His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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