you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
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I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
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Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon