I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
this boner is exhausting
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
my poor anus
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.