when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
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Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
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I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Drunk is not a location!