your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
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Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
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i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...