You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
