The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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