yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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