Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
