Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Green mimosas i think yes
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
