I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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