If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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