why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
