every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
