is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
