Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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