What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
