my mouth tastes like poor choices
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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