Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
