Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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