he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
