I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
