The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize