how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
