The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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