Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize