Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I am mentally ready for anal.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
