I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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