Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
