I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
