Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
