I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
