whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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