The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
