And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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